It's hard to believe that this day has actually come. A year ago I honestly didn't know how our little family was going to make it through the next day, let alone an entire year. As this month crept upon us, Mark and I both knew that the 1 year anniversary of Sean's death was drawing near. Neither one of us wanted to focus on this, and so we agreed it would be just another day, just like any other day.
"Any other day" for our family actually includes many memories, conversations and gratitude for Sean. Sean had and still has a great influence on us and our children and very rare is a day that goes by without some sort of mention of him...sometimes happy, sometimes sad, but always grateful. The other day Macie and Mark were playing with a pretend cell phone while I was in the next room, not paying much attention. Without me knowing Macie handed Mark the phone and said, "Dad, it's for you. It's Uncle Sean." In the distance I heard Mark say, "Hey Paco! How are you? I miss you!" My heart about jumped out of my chest! I was so confused...relieved and pained at the same time...knowing what I wanted to be real and knowing it to be impossible. As I rushed into the room I could see the same emotions in Mark's eyes. Looking at each other, we were silently comforted knowing that one day it will be real again.
Consciously paying no attention to dates and living as normal, having our occasional talks and memories of Sean, we were sure this day would be "just another day." However, it wasn't as easy as we thought. For some reason your mind tends to take you back in time, no matter how hard you try to resist. Eventually you give in and the emotions come. Crying, reminiscing, going over the what could have been and should have been...eventually turning to God and feeling His love and Sean's love, undeniably, ever present.
Last weekend Maya asked if she could give our family home evening lesson on Monday night. We asked her if she would like help preparing it and she said no, she already knew what she was going to talk about and said that she wanted it to be a surprise. She was so excited all day and was about to burst as we all sat to listen to her lesson. With emotion in her voice and with a spirit much wiser than that of a six year old little girl, she proceeded to tell us that the Friday before she was lying in bed listening to her primary songs when a song came on about families being together forever. She started thinking about Sean and began to feel sad. She decided to say a prayer. She said that suddenly she could feel Sean with her and that she heard him say, "Don't worry Maya. Everything's okay, I am watching over you, I am with you." With tears of peace and comfort in her eyes she testified to our family that she knows that Sean is with us and that we can feel him in our hearts whenever we need to. It was such a blessing for our whole family and something we never will forget!
It has definitely been a year of learning and changing. We have been blessed by God's love and his miraculous ability to take something so tragic and bring about blessings and miracles to help us move on.
One of the greatest things we have learned and felt throughout this year is gratitude. Gratitude for Sean's life. Gratitude for the memories. Gratitude for the many things Sean taught us during his life. Gratitude for the miracles God can perform. Gratitude for incredible blessings. Gratitude for peace. Gratitude for how much better we are having been loved by someone so incredibly amazing. Gratitude for the knowledge that we will be together again.
Thank you, Sean. Thank you for staying close to us. Thank you for the blessings you have brought about in our lives. Thank you for watching over us.
We love you and we miss you!
Macie apparently found it extremely boring!
Macie apparently found it extremely boring!
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